Blueish
by bookishgeek
Summary: "Hey, guys, guys. What do you get when you mix black and Jewish? Blueish!" Both Simon and Bram are sitting at the lunch table when Martin makes his little joke. To make matters worse, Garrett then smacks Bram on the back and exclaims, "hey, Bram, that's you!" Simon immediately realises that Bram is Blue, and Bram now thinks that Martin is Jacques.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All credit for the characters, some of the lines and emails, and some of the plot goes to Becky Albertalli.

Simon's POV

So I guess Abby and Martin are friends now or something, because Martin's sitting at our lunch table, and he's looking pretty damn smug. And he's making all these stupid jokes that Abby's laughing at. I guess that Waffle House thing a couple nights ago really helped. I glance over at Nick, who's dropped out of a conversation with Leah and is staring at Abby and Martin instead.

I mean, I feel bad. I really do. But if Martin and Abby are getting along, it means that Martin isn't going to leak my emails, which means I'm not going to lose Blue. And this is low of me, I know, but that makes it worth it.

Martin grabs some fries off Abby's plate.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Abby exclaims, then laughs when Martin informs her he's a fry shark. "Yeah, good fry shark, I didn't even know you were coming in!"

"Thank you! You know what day it is?"

"What day is it?"

"Must be fry-day!"

"Ohhhh!"

I swear to god, Martin and his stupid jokes. I huff out a laugh, and I can feel Nick looking at me, but I don't look his way. I feel my heart drop a little. I'm supposed to be his best friend, and here I am setting up the girl he likes with a guy I know we all think is annoying.

Bram Greenfeld and Garrett Laughlin walk over and sit down beside Nick just as Martin's making another joke.

"Hey guys, guys. What do you get when you mix black and Jewish? Blueish!"

Abby laughs, but I'm completely shocked. I can't believe he would threaten me like that, especially when he's getting along so well with Abby. I stare at him. And then, something even more unbelievable happens.

"Hey, Bram, that's you!" Garrett grins, smacking Bram on the back. And Bram looks just as horrified as I am. Oh my freaking god. Bram is Blue.


	2. Chapter 2

Bram's POV

Garrett leads the way over to our usual lunch table, and for some reason, Martin Addison is sitting there today. He's sitting beside Simon Spier. My heart twinges. But he's also sitting beside Abby Suso, whose head is thrown back in laughter. I exhale in relief. Even from a quick glance, it's pretty obvious Martin likes her.

I set down my tray, and Martin calls for our attention to share another joke.

"Hey guys, guys. What do you get when you mix black and Jewish? Blueish!" I freeze, staring at Martin. He couldn't have said what I just heard him say. It has to be a coincidence. Only Jacques knows about my secret identity, Blue. Martin can't be Jacques.

And then something even more unbelievable happens. Garrett smacks me on my back and announces to the world that I am Blue. Okay, well not really. But he might as well have.

"Hey, Bram, that's you!" I turn my gaze slowly to Garrett, who doesn't have a clue he's just ruined my life.

I barely notice when Simon stands abruptly and announces he's going to the bathroom. Simon, who I used to be sure was Jacques. But not anymore. If Martin really is Jacques, he now knows who I am. And I still don't know who Jacques is, for sure. Which is ironic, because I'm the one who's not ready for us to know each others' real identities.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Sorry about the weird emails, this site won't let me write them correctly as emails. I hope you enjoy anyway!

Simon's POV

I make sure there's nobody in any of the stalls, then go into one and lock the door. So Bram is Blue. Bram is who I've been emailing the past few months. Bram, who is black and half jewish and gay, who always says the right thing, who is cute and grammatical, who loves Reese's peanut butter cups, and who fantasizes about sex with me.

A slow burst of joy starts deep in my gut and spreads through me, into my face, where a smile appears. I really thought Cal was Blue, but now that I know who Blue actually is, I realise I've also had a quiet crush on Bram. All I want is Bram. I kind of love that Blue makes me feel this way. I think I'm a little bit in love with him.

Except, now that I think about it, Bram has never said more than a few words to me, even though we sit at the same lunch table every single day. Now I'm freaking out, and I can't tell Bram I'm Jacques. Not yet. Because I think I know what he was talking about when he told me he didn't want me to know who he was yet. I understand now. Because what if he doesn't like my outside personality? Or what I look like? What if, once he knows who I am, he won't want me anymore? That thought scares me so much, I can't even describe it. So I quickly pull my thoughts in a different direction and step out of the bathroom.

When I get home after rehearsal, I go straight to my room and turn on my laptop. There's a new email from Bram. I smile, and pull it up.

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohour. notetonote

DATE: Dec 9 at 4:52 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Coming Out Thing

Jacques,

Just so you know, your being cute isn't the reason you're easy to talk to, because it really should be the opposite. In real life, I go totally silent around cute guys. I just freeze up. I can't help it. But I know the real reason you were asking was because you wanted to hear me call you cute again, so I will. You're cute, Jacques. And I guess you do have a thing about sentence fragments, but I sort of love it.

So, I'm not sure whether you meant to tell me your English teacher's name. You're dropping a lot of clues, Jacques. Sometimes I wonder if you drop more clues than you mean to.

Something happened today that left me feeling a little scattered, but it's the kind of thing I can't really talk to you about. I wish I could. It made me wonder...

Anyway, thanks for listening. Thanks for everything. It was such a strange, surreal weekend, but talking to you about it made it so much better.

\- Blue

When I finish reading, it hits me. His email. I should have realised before. Bluegreen for Bram Greenfeld. 118 for January 18th, his birthday. I think the only reason I remember when his birthday is is because last year our whole English class found out and Mr. Wise made us sing him 'Happy Birthday', which was humiliating for everyone.

Anyway, he said something happened today that made him wonder. I'm assuming he meant the thing at lunch. Oh god. Did he notice me leaving abruptly? But then I look at it from Bram's perspective. He had no reason to think I was Jacques, although after reading that email, I was kind of hoping he wanted me to be Jacques. What he said about freezing up around cute boys and how he's barely ever spoken to me? Yeah. I kind of liked that idea.

But then dread hits me like a tidal wave. Oh my god. He thinks Martin is Jacques. How else would Martin know those things about him and then casually mention the name Blue? Unless, of course, he found our emails and is now blackmailing me, but Bram could never know that.

So now he thinks Martin is Jacques and I can't tell how he feels about it. Does he think Martin is cute? I can't really see how he would, but, I mean, it's possible. And Martin is also in our English class with Mr. Wise, who I DID NOT mean to name in my last email. Yeah. So, I can't tell him I know who he is. Not yet. I click 'reply' and start typing.

FROM: hourtohour. notetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Dec 9 at 8:11 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Coming Out Thing

Blue,

Arg - yeah. Mentioning Mr. Wise was not intentional. I guess you can really narrow things down in a major way, if you choose to. I feel kind of strange about that. Sorry I'm such a huge freaking idiot.

So, who are all these cute guys who make you so nervous? They can't be that cute. You better not love THEIR sentence fragments.

Sorry about whatever happened today. I wish you could talk about it with me, too. I hate that I don't know how to make you feel better about it.

Keep me posted about all forthcoming conversations with your mom, okay?

\- Jacques

I reread it three times for the usual grammar check, then once more to make sure I didn't give any indication that I know who he is and that I wasn't too obvious about asking if he thinks Martin is cute. Once I deem it completely hint-free, I hit send. And then I lie back on my bed and think about Bram.


	4. Chapter 4

Bram's POV

I'm sitting on my bed, writing to Jacques, and wondering how much I should say. Or not say. Or imply. I finally hit send, and then lie there rethinking my entire email. Was it too much? Crap, did I forget to check if I mentioned names? I reread my already sent email and feel relieved. Then I just think about Jacques.

I get a reply later that night, and the time stamp reminds me that Martin would have been in rehearsal when I sent my last email, but so would Simon. I really don't know what to think. I wanted so badly for Jacques to be Simon that I might have just been seeing what I wanted to see. How would Martin know those things about me if he wasn't Jacques? I guess it's possible he's Jacques. Martin's funny, he's in my English class with Mr. Wise, and he's never said for sure that he's straight. The only thing I don't get is Abby. It really seemed like he liked her, today at lunch. I guess he could just really want to be friends with her.

I feel no emotion when I think about Martin, but a lot when I think about Jacques. So then it's kind of hard for me to start picturing Jacques as Martin. But I feel like I have to.

I'm a little nervous the next day at school, thinking Martin might show up and tell me he's Jacques. I keep looking for clues, listening to every word Martin says, but none of it proves he's Jacques. There's no special reveal from anyone, and at the end of the day, I'm strangely disappointed, but just as strangely relieved.

I keep pretending everything's normal in my emails, but every time I imagine Jacques to be Martin, I feel kind of repulsed. Martin's been hanging out a lot more with Abby and Simon, which means I've also been seeing him a lot more. If Martin is actually Jacques, I just have to say that he has two very different personalities. I'm kind of hoping his email personality is his real one.

I decide to focus on something else for a while. Something I'd been planning to do before this whole Martin/Jacques problem came up. Namely, The Coming Out Thing. I'd decided it was finally time, and I had been gearing up to tell my mom when the lunch thing happened and made me derail.

But I think I'm ready now. That evening, I sit down at the dinner table feeling jittery and slightly nauseated. I pick at my food, and my mom immediately notices.

"Is everything all right, honey?"

I glance up. "Yeah… uh… I just- I just want to tell you something." I put my hand on my stomach, feeling more than a little nauseated now. Maybe I should wait. Maybe feeling nauseated is a sign I'm not ready yet. But I think of Jacques. Just Jacques, not Martin. And the thought of him gives me surge of courage. "I'm… I'm gay."

"Oh. Oh, Bram. Thank you for telling me." Then she comes around the table and gives me a hug. It's actually kind of nice.

When I'm done eating, I go up to my room to process what I just did. I'm completely expecting it when my mom calls me down to the living room a little while later. She's sitting on the couch, and I sink into the chair facing her.

"I want to talk to you," she says, her face serious.

I sigh resignedly and make a disgusted face. My mom pins me down with a glare.

"Bram, this is important," she explains, and her tone of voice pushes me further into my chair. She proceeds to give me The Talk, but the gay version of it. By the end of it, I'm mortified, but relieved. She took it better than I expected, and didn't get religious at all. I run back upstairs to tell Jacques. I'm definitely still not thinking about him as Martin.

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohour. notetonote

DATE: Dec 13 at 12:09 AM

SUBJECT: out and about

Jacques, I did it. I told her. I almost can't believe it. I'm still feeling so wild and jittery and not myself. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I think she took it pretty well. She didn't bring Jesus into it at all. She was pretty calm about the whole thing. Sometimes I forget that my mom can be very rational and analytical (she's actually an epidemiologist). She seemed mostly concerned that I understand the importance of Practicing Safe Sex Every Time, Including Oral. No, I'm not kidding. She didn't seem to believe me when I told her I'm not sexually active. So, I guess that's flattering.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you. I didn't tell you this before, Jacques, but you should really know you're the reason I was able to do this. I wasn't sure I'd ever find the courage. It's really kind of incredible. I feel like there's a wall coming down, and I don't know why, and I don't know what's going to happen. I just know you're the reason for it. So, thanks for that.

Love,

Blue


	5. Chapter 5

Simon's POV

The day after the lunch reveal, I can't stop staring at Bram and thinking about Bram and being totally obvious about it. At one point during English, Bram glances up and catches me staring at him. I blush and look away quickly. It might just be wishful thinking, but I swear his cheeks are a little pinker the next time I look at him. At lunch, Bram watches Martin carefully, and my heart breaks a little bit every time he laughs at one of Martin's jokes. A few days pass as I observe with an aching heart. I can't help thinking about how Bram's last email is signed with love, and how Bram keeps glancing over at Martin whenever he's around. Bram definitely thinks Martin is Jacques. For some reason, this makes me realise I have to tell him I know who he is. He deserves to know I'm not who he thinks I am. So when I get home from rehearsal I take a deep breath and write him back.

FROM: hourtohour. notetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Dec 14 at 7:34 PM

SUBJECT: Re: out and about

Blue,

Shut up. I'm so freaking proud of you. I would hug you right now if I could.

Wow, so between Ms. Every Time Including Oral and Mr. Let's Read About Freaking Casanova, your parents are seriously invested in your sex life. Parents need to stop being so freaking awkward. I will say, though, you shouldn't even be thinking about sex unless it's with someone really, really awesome. Someone who is such a badass that the insane kids in his neighbourhood don't even THINK about peeing on his porch. Someone who has a little bit of a problem with fragmented sentences and accidental self-disclosures. Yup.

So, you inspired me, Blue. I had my own Coming Out Thing two nights ago. Not to my parents. But I told one of my best friends, even though I wasn't planning to, and it was awkward and weird and really kind of nice. I feel mostly relieved and a little embarrassed, because I feel like I made it into a bigger deal than it needed to be. It's funny, though. A part of me feels like I jumped over some kind of border, and now I'm on the other side realising I can't cross back. I think it's a good feeling, or at least and exciting feeling. But I'm not sure. Am I making any sense at all?

But all of this about the walls coming down? I think you're giving me way too much credit. You're the hero tonight, Blue. You brought your own wall down. Maybe mine, too.

And I seriously can't think of a worse time to say this, but you need to know. I know who you are. Please don't freak out.

Love,

Jacques

I reread it a million times before hitting send. I can't believe I told him.


	6. Chapter 6

Bram's POV

He knows who I am. He knows who I am, but he hasn't revealed himself to me. This is why I didn't want to exchange numbers or meet in person. Now that he knows who I am, he doesn't want me anymore. If Jacques really is Martin, though, I guess I'm being honest when I say I don't really want to be with him either, which makes me really sad. I didn't know I was that kind of person.

The other stuff he said in the email was really sweet, though, and he still signed with 'love'. So I don't really know what to think. I try writing back a thousand times but none of the emails sound right.

I'm really confused and it shows. I've been even less talkative at school and at home and I'm inside my head a lot of the time. Finally, I decide to just be honest with Jacques and tell him how I've been feeling. If I can talk to anyone, I can talk to him. Or is it the opposite now? Can I talk to anybody _but_ him?

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohour. notetonote

DATE: Dec 19 at 12:46 AM

SUBJECT: Identities

Jacques,

First of all, I have to let you know that I'm proud of you, too. I know exactly what you mean about crossing the border. I think this is the kind of process that moves in one direction. Once you come out, you can't really go back in. It's a little bit terrifying, isn't it?

Second of all, I'm sorry I took so long to answer you. To be honest, your last email confused me. I'm not really sure what to think about us right now. You know who I am, but I don't know who you are, although I have a pretty good guess.

Love,

Blue

I receive a reply the next day. I sigh shakily before opening the email. I don't know what I expect, and I don't know what I want to happen. All I know is that I want this to work out for us.

FROM: hourtohour. notetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Dec 19 at 11:54 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Identities

Blue,

What do you mean by confused?

And Abraham Lincoln, right?

Love,

Jacques


	7. Chapter 7

Simon's POV

I've been avoiding Martin since the episode at lunch, but today I'm so distracted that he sneaks up on me.

"So Bram is Blue, huh?"

"Geez, Martin, can you ever shut your goddamn mouth?" I glance around us, but the area is deserted. I start walking away, but Martin follows.

"Pretty exciting stuff. You need me to do anything, or-"

I turn so abruptly he almost walks right into me. "You think I need your fucking help? After you just casually mentioned to Blue to the whole lunch table? No fucking thank you." I don't even bother trying to be nice. I know my expression says 'I hate you', but I don't care right now. My eyes are burning.

"I just thought you might want-"

"Well, I don't. And if you think even for a fucking second about disclosing Blue's identity, I swear to God, Martin..." I let my glare do the rest of the talking. I walk away from him, and this time, he doesn't follow.

I check my phone multiple times throughout the day even though I know there's no cell service at this freaking school. Therefore, I have to wait until after rehearsal.

I sprint up to my room, shut the door, and flop down on my bed with my laptop. I open up Gmail. And there's nothing new. I collapse over my computer and groan. _Shit._ I totally messed it up.

But then, a happy, happy sound. The 'ding' on my phone signifying a new email. I refresh my inbox on the computer, and there it is.

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohour. notetonote

DATE: Dec 19 at 7:11 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Identities

Jacques,

I don't know. You said all that stuff in your last email, but you haven't told me who you are. And I'm the one who hasn't been ready to meet in person.

Now my turn. Martin Van Buren?

Love,

Bram

I knew it. He thinks I'm Martin. And he still signed with 'love'. I can feel a sob building in my chest, but I force it down so I can answer.

FROM: hourtohour. notetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Dec 19 at 7:14 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Identities

Bram,

I'm sorry, but I'm not who you think I am. And now I know what you meant when you were telling me why you weren't ready to meet in person. I'm so sorry, Bram. I guess I just don't want you to be disappointed.

\- Jacques


	8. Chapter 8

Bram's POV

He didn't sign his last email with love, and he still doesn't want to meet in person. I'm crushed.

But this means Jacques isn't Martin. He's just some guy. That thought makes me even sadder, because I think I could have handled not being with Martin, even if he was Jacques. But the idea that some other guy I might know, even _like_ , is Jacques makes my heart beat faster, and also sink down to my stomach. Jacques doesn't want to be with me.

These emails have become my life. Jacques has become my life. If I don't try one more time, what's the point? I don't know if I would ever forgive myself. I might never get a boyfriend if I don't try, because I wouldn't know _for sure_. I would be too hung up on some guy from high school who's really just words on a screen, but who I love nonetheless. So, here I go.

FROM: bluegreen118

TO: hourtohour. notetonote

DATE: Dec 20 at 1:03 AM

SUBJECT: Us.

Jacques,

I'm not sorry my guess was wrong. I'm actually really relieved. I promise you, I cannot think of a situation where I would be disappointed by you. I can't imagine a situation where I won't want to kiss you as soon as I see you.

I might not know who you are in real life, but I _know_ you, Jacques. I really like that we got to know each others' insides first, and I really want to get to know your outside as well. I honestly don't know what I would do without you.

So, for what it's worth, I'll be outside Waffle House at 1:00 today. I hope to see you there.

Love,

Bram

I get there half an hour early, and I know he won't be here yet, but every person who makes eye contact makes my heart leap into my throat. I sit on one of the benches outside the entrance, and I wait. I take out my book for English and start reading, tucking my legs up underneath me, but I can't concentrate. I keep looking up at my surroundings and checking the time on my phone. One o'clock passes, and Jacques doesn't show up. I wait there for three hours, trying harder and harder not to cry, then I finally get my stuff and leave. When I get home, I check my email. Nothing. Not even to tell me he couldn't make it. In that moment, my heart breaks. Jacques doesn't want anything to do with me. He might have been pretending all that time in our emails, or maybe he just doesn't like me in person.

I curl up on my bed and start crying in earnest. Sobs rack my body and tears stream down my face. The guy I love doesn't love me back. I don't even know who the guy I love is. Eventually, I fall asleep. I wake up early the next morning, and, out of habit, check my email.

My heart leaps when I see an email from Jacques.

FROM: hourtohour. notetonote

TO: bluegreen118

DATE: Dec 20 at 9:38 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Us.

OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T GET THIS UNTIL NOW! I am so sorry, Bram, I had an all-day thing today and I can't believe I missed it, and I'm just so so sorry! If you still want to, tomorrow at Waffle House at 1:00 works for me. If you even get this. If you even forgive me.

Jacques

I'm crying again, but from happiness. Jacques wants to meet! He had an all-day thing yesterday and that's why he didn't show up and he wants to meet me! He wants me to know who he is! I'm jittery all morning, and I leave the house an hour early, then drive around for a while before arriving at Waffle House, feeling definitely nauseated again. I sit where I sat yesterday, and I take out my book again. If I didn't, I'd probably look like an idiot sitting here all by myself. I probably look like an idiot anyway.

At 12:55, a shadow falls over me. I look up. Simon Spier is standing there.

"Can I sit here?" He asks, gesturing to the bench beside me.

"Um, I was kind of waiting for someone."

"I know." He sits beside me, and I'm super aware that our thighs are only about an inch apart. I look at Simon.

"It's you," I say.

"Jacques a dit," he says, then scoots even closer. My breath hitches. "I'm sorry I took so long to be ready," he says quietly, and the side of his palm brushes against mine, making me lose focus. "I just didn't know I could like someone this much, and I… I didn't want you to be disappointed."

"I'm not disappointed," I say quickly. "Not at all. Actually, I was kind of hoping it was you."

"You were?" Simon looks surprised.

"I thought I was really obvious." I blush, which makes Simon blush, and wow. Simon blushing is just about the cutest thing ever.

Simon shakes his head. He stares at me for a moment, which makes me a little uncomfortable.

"What?" I ask, blushing harder.

He smiles a little. "I really want to hold your hand."

"So do it." And he does. We both look down at our hands, dark and light fingers intertwined. "You want to go for a drive?" I ask, smiling shyly. Simon nods, but then glances over at his car. "We'll come back for it," I promise. I just want to get somewhere private so I can kiss Simon's face off. The urge is overwhelming, but it's too public here. So we drive around for a while until I find an empty parking lot and pull into it, then park the car.

"What are we doing?" Simon asks, looking genuinely confused.

Instead of answering, I lean over and kiss him. His lips open for me, and his eyes close. His eyelashes are against my cheek, and we can't figure out our noses at first, but then we do, and it's a perfect moment. I never want it to end.

"So this is what we're doing," Simon whispers, gazing into my eyes, his lips brushing against mine as he talks.

I smile, then Simon smiles, and then he's kissing me again. My hands brush the nape of his neck, and I feel him shiver before pushing his hands into my hair. I seriously can't get enough of him. I can't believe I waited so long to meet him.

"I can't believe I waited this long to meet you," Simon says, still kissing me. I smile.

"That's what I was just thinking."

"You kiss like Elliott Smith sings." It comes out a sigh, and I'm not even sure Simon meant to say it, but that just makes me love him even more. I push my mouth against his in response, and he pushes back fiercely, his hands running over my back and mine down his arms and through his hair. We finally break apart, breathing hard. I reach over and take Simon's hand, rubbing my thumb over his soft skin. He smiles at me.

I smile back. "So now what?" I ask. "With us?"

"I'm all in, if you are." Simon leans his head back against the headrest and looks at me. I stop tracing circles on his hand.

"All in? Like what? Like boyfriend?"

"I mean, yeah. If that's what you want."

"Neither of us is out," I say slowly, watching him.

"If this is my reward for coming out, I would do it every day for the rest of my life," Simon says, laughing.

I grin at that. "So would I," I admit.

Simon smiles. "I'm going to kiss my boyfriend now." I don't argue.


	9. Chapter 9

Simon's POV

That night, the night of the day I kissed Blue and became his boyfriend, I sat my whole family down after dinner, including Alice, who was home for Christmas. I was only a little bit nervous. I was mostly excited to be able to be public with Bram.

"I want to talk to you guys about something," I say, trying to sound casual, but my voice shakes a little bit anyway.

"What's up?" My mom asks, sitting up straighter.

"I know what it is," my dad jokes. "Let me guess. You're gay. You got someone pregnant. _You're_ pregnant."

"Dad, stop it." Alice frowns at him.

"Really, though." I look my dad right in the eye. "I'm gay." Two words, and everything gets quiet.

"Honey. That's… God, that's… thank you for telling us."

"Wow, bub. Good for you."

"Gay, huh?"

"And…" I wait for them to finish their expected reactions. Might as well get this over with in one go. "I have a boyfriend." That generates a little more excitement.

"Oh my God, _who_?" Alice asks, grinning.

"When can we meet him?" My mom asks.

Suddenly I'm blushing, and Alice is beside herself with glee. "Aw, he's blushing!" She gives me a hug, and even Nora is grinning a little.

I push Alice off me. "His name is Bram, and it happened today, and those are all the details you're getting tonight." I leave them all to discuss my love life in the living room and head upstairs to my room, grinning.

Then I call Bram. He picks up right away. "Hi," he says, and I can tell that he's smiling.

"Hi." I'm smiling too. "So I told my family. They took it pretty much as expected. My mom asked me about my feelings, my dad turned it into a joke, my older sister got political, and my younger sister kept her mouth shut."

"Well, that's good," Bram answers. "My dad doesn't know yet, but I guess I'll have to tell him at Hotel Hanukkah. Our friends can find out either when we post millions of kissing selfies on FaceBook every day or when we act all boyfriendy in front of them."

I laugh. "Is boyfriendy even a word?"

"Who decides who gets to make up words and who doesn't?"

"Fair point."

And then we're just talking. About Hotel Hanukkah, about how Bram's stepmother is pregnant, about how Frank Ocean is gay and about how we wish we were together right now. And, God, I really do miss him. I'm talking to him, and we're in the same town, but I miss seeing him and holding his hand and kissing him.

And I'm actually happy that stupid Martin made that stupid joke at our lunch table that day, because who knows how long we would have kept not meeting in person if I hadn't found out who Blue is. For the first time in a very long time, I'm completely happy. I have no secrets. I can be totally myself. I can exhale now.


End file.
